Every meeting, every interaction, is a chance to quietly shape the culture with love—if you plan for it. A core practice of Loving Leadership is to intentionally plan for the loving actions, words, and mindsets needed for any given situation. Afterall, emotional intelligence is needed to wisely meet people with care and act in service of the highest good. This is no small thing.

I hosted the Loving Leaders Circle this morning, and we talked about the essentials of Loving Leadership in practice. A participant, Mary, recalled advice given to her years ago by a woman, who told her to remember and practice these four words…

“I believe that 'less fear and more love' is the best way to work. But I fumble trying to explain what I mean and people end up confused or skeptical.” Back in 2015, this is exactly where I was.

In studies, strangers return dropped wallets MORE than people expect. But here’s the clincher, according to Gallup, “our wellbeing depends on our perceptions of others’ benevolence, as well as their actual benevolence.”

Contrary to the plethora of fear-focused news stories, everywhere we go there are people ready to be kind. Plenty of people need that kindness in communities, neighborhood groups, schools, coffee shops, parks, the gym. And of course, at work too. 

Something jumps out in my loving workplace interviews when people describe their loving team experiences.

Food.

It turns out that loving teams eat a lot of food together! You might wonder, “Are they trusting and happy because they eat together? Or do they eat together because they are trusting and happy?”

“I'm not a therapist!” This is a response that we sometimes hear from managers who are new to idea of human-centered, Loving Leadership. Have you heard this before? Or maybe thought this yourself? 

Written on my white board is this reminder: Invest in and challenge yourself! This is one of the six core behaviors that are part of the “Love Yourself” pillar in my Loving Leaders Framework…

Meeting Tara (at long last!) was a full circle moment for me. Many of you know that my work advocating for Love began at the Department of Enterprise Services in Washington State, prompted by then Director Chris Liu's declaration to me that, “It is a leader's job to eliminate fear from the workplace.”  So imagine my joy when in 2021, I learned that DES had a new director, Tara Smith, who was advocating for Love as the agency's core value!

Today I offer this simple encouragement. A reminder. A pact. Feel my hand squeeze yours with this note. Many things are being said about empathy right now. Foolish words. Harmful words. Dangerous words. Cautionary words in response. I won't repeat them here. You don't need to see them again.

A major challenge for a Loving Leader is stepping into lead an organization riddled with fear. That fear may originate in abusive leadership in the recent past, or from deeply ingrained ongoing threats or dehumanizing practices. Or it may have its roots in current upheaval and uncertainty. 

When we think about performance feedback, what may come to mind is the dreaded annual review, or in best cases, regular performance conversations throughout the year. But…

But despite everything that's going on, meanwhile, human neurophysiology has not changed. The human reaction to toxic stress has not changed. It is still harmful to people and to results both short and long term.

In the places we work and in our communities, now is the time to embody love. In the face of dehumanization, destruction, and cruelty, in this time of uncertainty and chaos, your Loving Leadership practices matter.

Sometimes, everything changes in an instant, and we don't know what to do.

I keep remembering a day in 1992. One moment, I am making dinner for my two young sons. The next moment a police officer is at my door telling me my husband’s airplane crashed.

Valentine's Day is one day in the year when more people feel safe naming love as a human value, not just a romantic experience. 

Then, too often it's back to business as usual, tucking Love away as an unmentionable. But business is anything but usual right now…

They respected their leader but didn’t know how she’d respond. She was compassionate—kind, supportive, and appreciative. By many standards, a Loving Leader. Yet, their workplace felt unloving.

I find myself riding the roller coaster these days, dipping down into the trough on news of the latest harms and offenses, and rising back up with a persistent focus on love and hope.

“The message was always: you could have done more—not 'thank you for what you've done,'” Joan recalled. Continue reading this blog to learn more about two distinct real-life workplace experiences that defined a research participant’s life.