What Do a Text Message And a Full House Have To Do With Leadership?

Loving Leadership is practiced in the workplace…and at home too. 

Many of you will remember that one year ago my son Zach was admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery to treat a septic infection in his knee, the result of an untreated dental abscess. He was hospitalized for two weeks and spent 6 weeks fighting the infection at home on IV antibiotics. It took him months to walk normally again, though in truth he has not recovered full range of motion.

Last week, in the next link in this chain of slow-motion crisis, Zach, his wife, their three children, ages 15, 9 and 4, and their dachshund Morticia, moved in with us after losing their housing.

We boxed up our personal items, clearing space in our basement guest area. It’s small but comfy. It’s safe. And it's free. All important right now.

We are glad to have them close and hope this brings them relief from constant fear triggering their nervous systems. With time and support, they'll recover their independence and confidence, we are certain. 

Gentle Leadership that Understands Trauma

 We were traveling for a few days when they moved in so my husband Jim sent them an encouraging text that said, “Get rest now. Recover from the stress. Eat anything we have and everything that will help nourish you through recovery." Honestly, I wept with gratitude for his gentle, practical kindness toward his step-family. 

He applied no pressure to move in and start contributing. That will come and already has at their own initiative. But for now, what mattered was his compassionate acknowledgement that they’ve been under duress for such a long time. They need to restore and heal so they can find new patterns and possibilities.

We hope this gives them the chance to work their way out of the challenges that have piled up. We hope living in town rather than isolated in a suburban cul-de-sac gives them more options for playgrounds, parks, and community events…and pre-school at last for the four-year-old.

We hope they have fun as a family again, laughing, playing, and enjoying simple pleasures. Most of all, we hope they experience our love, and we build lasting memories as a multi-generational household. 

Instant Social Fabric! 

 In recent months, Jim and I have been taking steps to counteract the isolation of our culture, valuing examples from collective societies where people spend more time together. We started intentionally weaving more social fabric with friends, neighbors, and family over food, music, and games. Now we have this built right in! Hugs from bright-eyed grandkids in the morning. Preparing and eating dinner together. Negotiating team housecleaning. Yahtzee and coloring. Disagreements and miscommunications. Broken dishes and mistakes, too. It's all here. This new social fabric is good for us all. 

Heritage Gifts 

I’ve been thinking about how we prepare children for life by showing them how to live and love, how to care for each other through hardships, and how everyone can contribute to a household. And we model how to have fun, solve problems, apologize, and imagine too. These are the heritage gifts my sister and I celebrated from our parents at their 60th anniversary in January. 

Years ago, they showed me that family steps in with help when I faced a crisis. I remember the fear, uncertainty, and overwhelm. I remember the relief and hope from support. I remember the difference their practical love made. Now it's my turn. I know what that love looks like because they showed me so we can showing our children and grandchildren. A legacy. 

Why am I sharing this?

I'm guessing that many of you are similarly supporting those you love, or you have, or perhaps are receiving support right now. Maybe you are raising kids while caring for dependent elders. Or maybe you are staying with a sibling or an aunt. It is normal to, literally and figuratively, move in and out of seasons of giving and receiving help. Life brings challenges and we receive, and then it eases so we can share from a place of empathy and compassion. This is the truth of being human. 

Our curated social media world doesn't encourage this particular truth telling. This doesn't make anyone's Pinterest Board. I've never seen a reel in my feed about this. But this is life. And this loving that we are all quietly engaged in is what really matters.

Bringing it back to work. 

Of course, there's something important here for the workplace too. These pressures and changes, the family crises and extra help, the complexities and messiness, adjustments and worries, all these are happening for you and your team members. 

By being transparent about these experiences, you open the way for others to be open too if they choose. When you understand and support your team members through the challenging times, it makes a powerful difference in how people manage through personal challenges. 

One of the most common Love Stories at Work that people share with me in my research is this: "I received loving support and understanding when facing a personal crisis."

People remember and appreciate this support. The safety it creates is often personally transformative forging bonds of trust and loyalty that make a meaningful difference for people and for teams. 

Do you have a story of giving or receiving support in a crisis? What impact did it have? What did it mean to you? I'd love to hear from you.