Ask This Question

The questions we ask matter. They are not neutral but point us in a direction, causing us to pay attention to some possibilities and to exclude others. The questions we ask are influential and have the potential to change everything. Our questions frame our lives.

Have you ever had the experience of being asked a question that seemed to cut off the possibility for the answer you really wanted to give? Or of being led by the question to a predetermined answer? Then you’ve experienced the power of the question.

Have you ever been asked a question that pushed away clouds of confusion, opened up the sky revealing new vistas of possibility? This too shows the power of the question.

I have come to believe that we need to ask one question throughout our work lives. This conviction comes from leading my own team, from working with other leaders and teams, and from observing people around the world who are suffering in communities, organizations, and families. I have come to believe that if we ask this one question, we can change the trajectory of our careers. We will positively impact our team members, our customers, our communities, our constituents, and our families. This one question I believe will change everything if we ask it consistently both individually and collectively. Here’s the question:

How will I put love at the center of my work?

This is the question every commencement speaker should challenge every graduate to answer. It should be the expectation we set and the charge we make to ourselves. We should teach young people that it is their responsibility to bring love to their work and their lifelong pursuit should be learning to put love at the center of their work and lives in myriad ways that are authentic to them.

This is the question every parent should ask every young person going off to college or entering a trade or their first job. No matter what type of work we do, love can be and needs to be demonstrated in that effort. Love is needed in the bank, and on the field, and on the bus, and on the construction site, and in the classroom. Love is needed in the surgical suite, and in the called center, and on the manufacturing floor. Love is needed everywhere.

Every interview panel should ask every job candidate this question. This question gives notice that we value the impact each person brings. Their reply to this question can be followed with a discussion of how the team puts love at the center of their work and how the team supports individuals to do this too. When we ask this question, we will be less likely to hire the toxic genius who damages teamwork and harms individuals and instead we are more inclined to hire the individual who will infuse the team with respect, trust, courage, belonging, compassion, and other loving qualities, enabling team cohesion and performance.

When someone is promoted into leadership, they should be asked this question. And then they should be asked how they are doing at this again and again and again. New leaders should be provided support, mentoring, and training to learn what this looks like to do each day.

When a new team is formed, the team should ask itself multiple variations of this question. How will WE put love at the center of OUR work? What are the challenging times or parts of our process when it is harder to be loving? Can we fix that process? Can we create norms to prompt love during those difficult times? What does it look to put love in the center of our work when we are a hybrid team or a completely virtual team? What will love look like when we have a conflict? Make a decision? Solve problems?

When recognition is given, we should ask this question. How has each of my team members put love at the center? I need to be sure to describe this and appreciate it. For awards, how did these nominees put love at the center of their work? What impacts on others did they have? How might we honor them in a loving way?

And when retirement comes, this question should be asked in reflection and retrospect. How did you put love at the center of your work all these years? What examples were the most meaningful to you? Here’s how we saw you demonstrate love and what we appreciated about the way you worked. Thank you for showing us all what love looks like for all these years.

You can see from the variations on the one question, that when we begin to center love through this one question, our perspective expands and our field of inquiry grows to encompass multiple related questions that infuse our thinking and priorities giving more attention to love and its impacts.

So then, how will you put love at the center of your work? And where will you begin to ask this question?