Rituals: Making and Breaking Them With Love
Some Big News!
On 1st August 2022, my partner and I eloped. As we committed to each other, we wanted to commit to nourish, build, and re-build relationships with the people in our life. We didn’t want a wedding day, a year of planning it with all the stress and resources involved, to spend only a few moments with our loved ones on that day. We decided to create a unique Rituals of heart tour and share a special ritual with each family we visit, or who visits us, gathering traditions for our life along the way.
It came as a surprise to our families and friends although as one thinks it through and considers who my partner and I are and our stories so far, it totally fits. It was our loving way to begin our life as an official family. It was a statement of authenticity and creativity. It was also a rebellious gesture, especially as I come from a traditional Orthodox patriarchal family who practiced all sorts of traditions as I was growing up. I remember growing up with parents who gave me a lot of love, attention, and gifts during special days on the calendar. Often, this love co-existed with violence and conflict on days that weren’t so special. So, I grew up somewhat resentful of attention, celebrations, and vanity. Finding ways to celebrate and to give and receive attention is part of my journey in this life.
Inheriting Rituals
As I am looking at the photos from our day and reading the messages that we received, I contemplate the rituals and the energy that they carry. I know, as we received notes of disappointment from people who wanted to be present in our day, that our approach can also seem inconsiderate, strange, and even cold. There is a deep generational expectation about how one should step into a marriage, and what we did can be unthinkable to societal, religious, or family norms.
We inherit so much from those before us. And then, there are the layers of modern society like capitalism or materialism that play a part too. When properly understood, the traditions that we practice can give us meaning and foster connection. Yet when done in response to pressures from society and the expectations of others, they can become transactional, commercialized, and even contradictory.
Choosing Intentional Rituals and Creating Aligned Actions
In my work with leaders, creating intentional rituals and aligned actions is so fundamental. Moment to moment and day to day, there’s always a need for greater alignment and focus on our values and priorities. There hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t experienced how important it is to pause, reflect, and make an aligned choice. I see this through my own experiences or witnessing another’s. Most of the time these realizations come when failing to pause or reflect or make an aligned choice.
Deciding What To Carry Forward
To invent a new workplace often means to re-imagine things, to walk a road less traveled, bringing into the world what might initially seem impossible. To create a new breed of a family means to review the traditions, rituals, behaviors, and habits that have crept into our life. Then to make a choice – how do these set of actions align with who we are and what we hold as dear to our hearts? It’s what we wanted when we decided to elope and set off on a Rituals tour. We intend to carry the love that we hold for each other to destinations close and afar, gathering special moments, traditions, and rituals that have fostered connections between others along the way. This felt most aligned to who we are, and by design – intimate, unique, and relationship oriented.
A Few Things for You to Consider
My questions for you today are:
How intentional are you in the way that you live, the way that you celebrate, the way that you show love for another? How meaningful and how aligned are your daily, weekly, and monthly rituals? What do you do because of the expectations of others, and what do you do from your loving heart? What if nothing was expected, nothing was given, no one to tell you what was and what needs to be – what would you create for your life, for your work, for your family?
Wholeheartedly,
Lili
