What Will Your Loving Legacy Be?
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———————————————————————————————————————————————————-Celebrating milestones is important. Honoring where we come from is too.
And in that spirit, I want to pause and share something more personal, and a reflection that's universal.
At the beginning of January, we celebrated an important milestone: the 60th Diamond Wedding Anniversary of my parents, Bob and Debi Smith.
They were married on January 2, 1965, at just 17 and 19!
Photograph by Darren Joe, 2025.
With only each other and their dreams, they lived in an Air Stream Trailer in Grandma Zella's backyard for the first six months, expecting their first baby and within a couple of years, their second. Dad pointed out that their anniversary dinner party was the wedding celebration they never had, with 80+ friends and family from all eras of their lives attending.
In preparation for this event, my sister, Nicole Hutton, and I reflected on our parents and their legacy and co-wrote and co-delivered remarks to honor them that night. I want to share a portion of our reflections and ponder what it is to create a loving legacy.
As “Smith girls”, Nicole and I cherish most the “heritage gifts” we received “as we all grew up together,” as Mom says.
In our family, “heritage gifts” started out as everyday possessions mom or dad would wrap up and bestow on a younger family member as a beloved treasure. Think worn slippers, old art, household objects, books, favorite pieces of clothing, jewelry. Lucky us! 😉 These were often humorous and always meaningful and beloved.
But the real heritage gifts we treasure most can’t be wrapped with a bow. They are the examples and experiences they gave us that became some of our values. Here are a few.
From their humble beginnings, they taught us to embrace where you came from. Some of the best times in life are simple times; some of the most important values come from challenges. They certainly had both and together made their way through.
We learned that everyone contributes to the family’s upkeep. We all did chores but they made it fun! Every Saturday morning, the “Grease” soundtrack would blare on the stereo signaling it was time to clean house. We STILL clean the house to that music!
We saw that sometimes you need to delay gratification for future rewards. While their friends were buying new cars or houses, my dad was waitlisted and then eventually accepted to dental school at what was then the late age of 25. We went through grade school while he was in dental school. Mom worked as a dental assistant, and on Saturday nights, they waited tables and tended bar, pinching every penny to get by.
They taught us to take good care of what we did have, that paint and soap are relatively cheap, that second-hand items can be useful for a long time if needed and there's no shame in that.
They taught us to enjoy life whatever our circumstances. Whether in daily life without many resources, or when creating epic events and traditions in better times, Mom discovered she had a knack for making life beautiful and fun. We relished all this joy and were often conscripted into helping. Sometimes we were even loaned out for other people’s events. In fact, today my sister makes a living at this!
And then, after 20 years, when everything was stable and good, they showed us that it’s never too late to start again. In their early 40’s, they took a calculated risk and sold EVERYTHING – house, cars, dental practice – so that Dad could go to Boston University to specialize in endodontics.
Their example inspired me as a single mom to go back to school at 37, my son Chad to start a new career at 36, my daughter Faith, a midwife, to become a doctor, and in the same spirit, my niece Miranda and her husband to start a new life in Idaho.
And they taught us that friends become family and family become friends! Everywhere they go, their generosity and good humor attract everyone they meet, personifying a sign in their home that reads, “Live. Laugh. Love.”
They are still in love with each other and dedicated to each other after 60 years of marriage.
I’m so proud of them and so happy for them. I love them very much.
And celebrating this heritage of love has me pondering what it is to create a legacy. I’m reflecting on the legacy I’m creating for my family and about the legacy I’m creating as a Loving Leader too.
We each have challenges and hardships, gifts and opportunities. And sometimes the challenges and hardships ARE the gifts and opportunities.
It’s important to keep coming back to to ask ourselves questions like these:
What will be said about my life someday?
What values do others see in me?
How do I make people feel?
What stories will be told of my life?
What difference will I make in the world?
These are big questions to ponder. Big moments surface big questions, don’t they?
It’s never a bad time to ask yourself, what will my loving legacy be?
