Building Real Connections in a Digital World

This blog was originally shared as an email with the Loving Leaders community. If you'd like to hear from Renée every week, directly in your inbox, you can sign up for the emails here.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————-

When our hearts are breaking, when we are grieving, worrying and uncertain, which way do we turn? Literally which way - to our phones or to each other IRL?

Perhaps, like me and so many, you've become conditioned to turn to your phone, to read the latest post, to watch a video, to get information and to “connect” with others. 

But last night I listened to an interview with journalist Derek Thompson who just published an extensively researched article in the Atlantic, “The Anti-Social Century.” 

He describes our trend toward isolation as starting well before the pandemic and having its roots in 20th century technologies: the car and the television. The relatively recent adoption of smart phones has only deepened our solitude.

The article and interview share many important insights, and I recommend taking time for both. 

I want to call out one thing that feels immediately relevant. 

Thompson describes the importance of brief human connections for our physical, emotional, and social health and societal well-being, that the substance of our lives is made up of these 10-15 minute day to day encounters with each other. But more and more, we turn to our phones to connect instead of to in-person human interactions. 

He explains that the dopamine hit we get from “connecting" via our phones and social media is short-lived. When we are done and turn off the source, we have “donated our dopamine to our phones" and the dopamine effects are gone. Instead, we are exhausted and feel the need to recover by being alone. 

In contrast, when we connect with humans in person, we enjoy a dopamine rush that is longer-lived. When we part company, whether after a casual interaction or an extended engagement, the dopamine effects continue and sustain our well-being. And, of course, it's the same for those we are with too. We all benefit; we all feel better. 

Instead of picking up your phone and scrolling, get together in person with others. 

 Go for a walk with a colleague. Meet friends for coffee or cook a meal together. Pull out a board game and hang out with your family. And don't forget to chat with your neighbor, or the barista, or the clerk at the grocery store too. 

Human connection is the best medicine for our exhaustion, stress, and grief … and our social ills too. 

Take good care, Loving Leader!