Waiting for the Beauty

I’ve been navigating a painful leadership challenge in recent weeks. It sits at the intersection of multiple needs and is particularly fraught. Add to this, mistakes, varying values, timing, communication, stories, and this is a tough one.

While the first steps of love were clear, I can’t yet see what the next steps should be. So I’m standing in that gap, in the uncertain, not-knowing place, waiting for wisdom to emerge.

In this, I find myself not just standing near but hanging over my learning edge, dangling and staring down into unknown territory below, wondering, “What is the loving thing to do now? How does love hold and bring healing in this complex situation?” (And, I wonder, “Hmmm…Will this rope hold me?!” Smile. Yes, I know it will but when you are dangling…it makes you wonder, right?)

Working together is hard sometimes, isn’t it? That’s just true. But not working together is not possible! And besides, I’m here for the human work, the hard, the messy, the vulnerable work. But also the joyful, meaningful, gratifying work.

Sometimes, when people hear me talk about love, they assume I mean some simple, feel-good way of being nice. Um, sorry no.

The reality is that working with love at the center is not “nice” nor is it simple, and sometimes it doesn’t feel good. Love is not nice; love is kind. And that is something qualitatively different.

Being kind can mean being gentle, sure, but it can also mean being tough, bold, and strong. Kindness is fair, courageous, and sometimes challenging too. It’s respectful, not rude, but it’s not a pushover either. So we live into these dimensions and nuances as we work together. 

In a Love Not Fear Workplace, we all care about each other. The emphasis can often focus on leaders caring for team members. It’s certainly crucial for leaders to meet team members as human beings with respect, compassion, and appreciation. We walk with people through their worries, mistakes, and joys. We check in, ask and listen, encourage and challenge. 

And, in this loving workplace, team members care for each other, and team members care for leaders too. Our care is omnidirectional. As people who are leading, leaders also experience grief, stress, and uncertainty. Leaders need accompaniment too.

I’m grateful for those accompanying me right now, who are with me while I hang over the learning edge waiting. They are a gift.

For all of you who care about someone who leads, your care for them as people first and leaders second is invaluable. It can make all the difference in the hard work they need to do. 

Leaders need words of kindness and support just like everybody else. They need someone to check in on them too. “Hey, I was thinking of you. That seemed hard. How are you doing?” That’s love.

For those who lead, it’s important to keep a few people close by to turn to when you’re in the thick of it.

We all need trusted support, those who understand our commitment, who won’t dissuade us, AND who can remind us to love ourselves as well as challenge ourselves.

Sometimes leading with love is painful on the way to being beautiful.

If we wait for it, if we accompany each other, and if we help each other not to give up on love, the beauty will come.