A Solo Quest Or A Collective Effort? Debunking the Well-being Myth

Myth: “I can and should figure out how to improve my well-being on my own. If I can’t do this for myself, there’s something wrong with me. I AM THE PROBLEM.”

Reality: “We depend on each other to create well-being. Well-being is meant to be an ongoing, collective, relational process. WE NEED EACH OTHER TO BE WELL.”

The myths of our culture can be entertaining; they make fantastic movies and comic books. However, some myths give us unrealistic expectations and unhelpful patterns for the challenges we face.

America’s “rugged individualist” mythology is a perfect example.

You know the story: One person (often with a strong jaw and far-off gaze) sets out on a solitary quest to right a wrong, overcome a hardship, build a business, change a community, or vanquish an enemy.

In true Hollywood style, they push through obstacles and solve problems completely on their own. They pull themselves up by their bootstraps, using only their wits and ingenuity. They “MacGyver” their way out of situations.

We love this hero; they are fun to watch!

But the only thing is, THEY DON’T EXIST.

This notion of the individual who can do it all on their own just isn’t accurate.

People almost never solve, create, or overcome on their own. Other people are almost always part of the equation.

Earnesto Sirolli describes this in his TED talk where he debunks the myth of the solo iconic business leader, pointing out, “No one succeeds alone…No one starts a company alone.”

None of the legendary businesses that are revered were started by one person. None.

Everything we do of value is in some way dependent on the support of others. That’s just the way it is!

Well-being Isn’t An Individualist Goal Either

This rugged individualist myth can fool us when it comes to the pursuit of well-being too. Think about it: What is the refrain for those working in stressful occupations or doing traumatic work?

“SELF-CARE”

That’s right. Somehow, when you are struggling and at your lowest mentally, emotionally, and physically, when you are stuck in the darkness of a chronic stress response, you are supposed to find the strength on your own to muster the resources, override your body’s chemistry, overcome the structural barriers, and “take care of yourself.”

But when that doesn’t work, we think something must be wrong with us. We beat ourselves up. Self-reproach spirals into more isolation, defeat, and shame.

But as Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski, the authors of Burnout, remind us, “The cure for burnout is not self-care…It’s all of us caring for each other. Self-care requires a bubble of protection from others who value your well-being at least as highly as you do.”

Put another way, we need collaborative well-being.

Cultivating Collaborative Well-being

Each team and organization needs to cultivate a way of working together that supports and prioritizes a shared commitment to each other’s well-being.

With such a commitment, we recognize that we depend on each other for the context of our decisions. Our norms and habits can encourage healthy, balanced practices that reduce stress and its related health issues and increase wellness with all its benefits.

In such a workplace, leaders make collaborative well-being a strategic priority.

They champion the cultural, operational, and policy changes needed to support collective attention and efforts for wellness. They model collaborative care and set expectations for managers to do the same.

Communication consistently points to the importance of health, balance, stress relief, and well-being as part of the service to the organization and to customers.

Team members know their fates are tied together.

They learn to know and care about each other. They agree on practices that will help structure the work to be better for people. This includes meeting practices like frequent movement breaks, breathing exercises, meetings that end with 10-minute buffers, walking meetings, and reminders to use healthy and de-stressing practices.

Our work with clients has demonstrated that in addition to training in the skills and knowledge of well-being, collaborative wellness circles, hosted team communication channels, gatherings that build cultural momentum and visible commitment, and tools that enable leaders to leverage team meetings and one-on-ones all combine to effectively support a culture of Collaborative Well-Being.

Ultimately, this leads to the wellness of individuals, the effectiveness of teams, and the satisfaction of knowing the workplace is helping, not harming people.

The myth-based option is isolated, individual-focused self-care.

The better, reality-based choice, the loving choice, is collaborative well-being.

Check out our services in support of your strategy for Collaborative Well-Being on our website.

Reach out for a conversation to explore how a culture of care and belonging creates this collective support and so many other benefits as well!