Absence of Fear Is Not the Presence of Love
Last night we had a friend over for dinner. It was a lovely fall day, and we decided that when she arrived, we would visit on the patio first and then have dinner inside. We've been working on our garden and patio and love sitting outside, even in the cool early evening.
She was delayed and by the time she arrived, it was dark and getting cold. Not to be deterred, we brought out our collection of outdoor blankets, bundled up, and hung out on the patio anyway. She was game to enjoy the evening air too, and we had a fun conversation.
When dinner was ready, we went inside, and she commented on how nice and toasty it was inside. But the truth was, it was only about 67 degrees. It just felt warmer because she was used to the cool night air outside. (Note to self: We probably need to be careful not to freeze our guests in the future!)
What does this have to do with Loving Leadership?
It reminded me that when we are acclimated to poor conditions, then new conditions can feel better than they actually are.
If you have a new team member whose last workplace was characterized by threats and fear, then a “normal” workplace experience is going to feel so much better. It will feel great to them not to be constantly subjected to toxicity, shaming, betrayal, and pettiness.
The absence of these terrible experiences will be a relief. They may express this to you, and you will be happy that your team is not like their formerly awful one.
And, it is important to keep our sights elevated. The absence of harm is not the same as the presence of care.
We don't aim to merely avoid creating fear; as Loving Leaders we work to actively create an experience of love.
For our dinner guest last night, the absence of the cold night air was not the actual presence of warmth. It only felt like it…for a while. Eventually she readjusted to the real temperature. And then it was important to ensure she was actually warm, with warm food and a warm house.
To be a truly Loving Leader of a distinctly Loving Workplace requires intentional, thoughtful, consistent efforts to create a compassionate, uplifting, and connected experience for team members.
Then when we bring them in from the cold, they will be truly warmed!
If you are working on this and would value support, I am opening my calendar for a couple of new coaching clients. Drop me a message here: https://www.makeworkmorehuman.com/consultation and I’ll get in touch with you.
