What’s Not Obvious About Love
Notice: This is a statement of the obvious for those who have committed to working with more love, and who are committed to making work more human. Sometimes, we need to state the obvious. It seems to be helpful.
I’ve shared this statement of the obvious with many people in recent months, and it always results in laughter, knowing looks, and a sense of relief. So I’m going to state the obvious right now. Ready? Here it is.
You will not always be loving.
After all, you are human. Even after you commit to more love and less fear. Even though you are a caring person. Even though you really deep down in your soul believe that fear is harmful, and love is a much better way. Even though love is one of your core values.
You will for certain sometimes let fear drive you. You will sometimes be unkind or harsh. You will on occasion forget yourself and act selfishly, or forget to show appreciation, or cut someone off, or speak thoughtlessly. And when you do, team members will be impacted in crummy ways, and they won’t like it.
And sometimes your team members won’t be loving either. They are human too. They will fall short even though they’ve committed to a more loving way of working. And you may be impacted and not like it.
When you fall short and realize what’s happened, you may feel sorrow, embarrassment, or guilt. These uncomfortable feelings are OK. Let that discomfort motivate you to correct the situation and set things right. Love doesn’t hide and it doesn’t make excuses. It owns up and does the hard, humble work of reflection, contrition, and repair.
When we fall short and are unloving, it is not the measure of our commitment to love – as long as these are not chronic habits of harm repeated and excused over and over again. When we make mistakes and are human, we have a different kind of human opportunity to show love. We put our love into action then by humbly learning, apologizing, healing the relationship, and changing our behavior.
Over the years as a leader of A Human Workplace committed to love, I’ve observed and coached team members through this process. And at other times, I’ve blown it myself and been the source of pain. I hate those times. They keep me up at night and I feel rotten. I’m grateful for being able to go to people to make amends, listen, learn, own, repair, rebuild trust, and grow. And I carry sorrow for those wrongs or harms that could not be repaired, yet, for any number of reasons.
This is loving, human work. It is the real deal. It is difficult and often exhausting, but it is also deeply meaningful and gratifying. And what I’ve discovered is that when you can stay in it together, in these hard times, the bonds that are formed can be strong and deep.
Facing mistakes and repairing relationships is the work of a loving human workplace. It may not be as obvious, but these behaviors are core to love.
