The Imperfect Loving Leader
This week may have been amazing. But it may have been hard too because sometimes the human work is just darn hard.
Maybe you were let down or maybe you let someone down. Maybe your in the midst of a tough conflict that wasn't resolved this week. I've been there. These are the things that keep me up at night and make my stomach hurt.
We can wonder, when this happens, if we are doing something wrong or if our love is authentic.
But here's the thing. Disagreements and disappointments happen in loving organizations and on loving teams, just as they do in any group of people. We are not immune from these just because we are committed to love.
We miscommunicate and misunderstand. We make mistakes and misinterpret each other. We are sometimes not our best selves. We have differing styles, views and needs that lead to conflicts.
When these do, please don't think that your love or the love of our team members is not real. Please don't jump to the conclusion that your pursuit of love is not valid. These are the real human things that happen when people work together. These do not reflect on your sincerity.
But the difference when we put love at the center of our work is that we don't give up. We prioritize our relationships and stay in it with each other to work it through.
Rather than pulling back from each other and creating rifts that separate us, we do the harder work of staying in it to find a path forward together.
We listen to understand, look for alternatives, apologize and forgive, and learn.
My experiences of doing this hard, humbling human work is that ultimately it builds trust and an even more meaningful work environment. These experiences are difficult but worth it.
Is everyone able to do this? No, not everyone can for any number of reasons. So it doesn't always work out. We bring our habits, past hurts, skill level, and assumptions to work. Some may not be able and ready to meet you there. Grace is needed then too.
But these difficult spots work out more often than not in my experience, if we meet each other, tame the stories we tell ourselves with empathy and positive assumptions, and care for each other in the process of working things through.
The difference between a loving team and other teams is we've decided to care about each other, in the easy times and the hard, and to work through the hard issues.
That's love.
When we are in it for the long haul, that's when it get's good!
