Immediate Gifts of Delayed Gratification … and of Pausing

We do things for immediate impact and other things for long term rewards. We tend to see these as two distinct categories: The hard labor of planting now; the joy of the harvest later.

But this last weekend, I was reminded that the labor and investment now for future benefits also have their own immediate rewards. And these actions express aspects of our humanity that foster more peace and presence and less stress and anxiety.

Last weekend, we planted tubers and canned pears and apples. We rearranged furniture and decluttered shelves of summer beach treasures. We fashioned and hung a dartboard “backstop” outside. (OK truthfully Jim did this one but I contributed to planning!)

These activities were all examples of delayed gratification, planning ahead and putting in effort now that will pay off later. My parents were big fans of delayed gratification. I was too when raising my four children.  

But this weekend, happily, there was no delay in my gratification!

I immediately felt deep satisfaction and health from these efforts. Sure, these joys were different from what will come later…

Different from the pleasure of slathering pear-kiwi jam on a hot biscuit in January.

Different from watching the bearded irises bloom in May.

Different from a dinner party flowing through the house more smoothly next month. 

Different from the serenity this winter of a visually quiet space.

My immediate rewards were from the sweaty effort of digging and lugging, the gritty truth of soil in my hands, and the refeshment of spa-moist air on my face; the creative challenge of solving the puzzle of rearranging, the aesthetic inspiration of placing art, and the methodical movement of shelves and lamps, books and plants. 

The movement was satisfaction. The creativity was reward. The hopeful anticipation of goodness and beauty was its own harvest. The companionship was its own sweetness. All these are contributors to strengthening well-being and lowering stress.

My mind did find calm. My body did feel healthier. My focus was sharper from this work that will yield rewards many, many months from now.

This last 18 months I’ve been reminded and taught again and again that those things that are the essence of what it is to be human are the things we desperately need to counteract the stress, fear, and burnout of the Pandemic and all its terrible ramifications.

Breathing. Nature. Laughter. Movement.

Connection. Creativity. Crying. Affection.

Generosity. Reappraisal. Vulnerability.

I believe in the value of weaving these into my day. But I’ll be honest: I have found it hard recently to pause.

I bet you know just what I mean. The pressure’s on. The urgent deadline is breathing down my neck. It would make sense, from all I know about productivity and creativity, to pause, stand up, walk away for 10 minutes and do something on that list.

• Go out on the porch and do some SKY breathing.

• Go in the living room and flow through Sun Salutation.

• Go outside and weed one patch of garden.

• Walk the hill once.

• Go to the beach and practice skipping stones.

• Pick up my oil pastels and make marks on a fresh page.

• Put on my favorite song and dance.

Then return refreshed, oxygenated, clear, inspired, and calm to the task.

“But,” I reason, “If I keep going for another 30 minutes I can get this last bit done and THEN take a pause.” So I push on and 30 minutes turns into two hours. Then robotically, mindlessly, I check my email just before pausing, and if I can just send five quick replies I’ll keep the inbox monster from eating me alive. Ooops, it’s time for my next meeting. And before I know it, the sky is getting dark, I’m wondering where the day went. I’m hungry and looking for a snack because I didn’t eat well either.

I end the day physically sore, mentally fuzzy, emotionally exhausted or glum or frustrated, and spiritually disconnected. I didn’t accomplish what I’d hoped and needed. The deeper thinking, creativity, strategy, and whimsy that make my work meaningful and rich were elbowed out, again.

I’m confessing this to you on this Monday morning because I want you to know you are not alone, and because I’m setting out to make this week different. Things need to be different! As we get busier and opportunities to help people and teams grow, the need to be fully present, whole and well grows.

It’s imperative to take pauses, even though THERE’S SO MUCH TO DO. Check that. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THERE’S SO MUCH TO DO! That list above is my pause list. And I’m going to see how many of those things I weave into my work day each day this week. I’ll let you know how it goes. If you try this, let me know how it goes too!

And if you are signed up for my Leading Forward to Work Workshop, we will be practicing radically necessary pauses in the training. I want each person to experience the differences that come from truly integrating well-being.

I’m ready for more humanity in my day. I’m ready to enjoy the long-term benefits and the immediate and joyful rewards.

I’m going to step outside now…talk again soon!