The Courage to Change the Unchangeable
Life is all about the courage to change. To me, the courage to change requires the courage to accept ourselves as we are and our experience as it is. Before anything can change, we need to make a choice – what story we want for ourselves and our family.
But let me tell you my story, and how I came to this conclusion.
In the Shadow of Communism
I was born in the 80s in Bulgaria straight after Communism. My parents were factory workers and lived in scarcity. They were angry because of that. I was angry too. I could not wear the clothes my friend wore or go to the places they went. Instead, I decided to dream. Dreaming drove my desire to study – English, Mathematics, History, anything I could get my hands on. There and then, my courage to change was rather an obsession to move forward, to evolve so that I could survive. I was an A student in everything.
When I was 10, I asked my mum if she was happy. She was visibly not, that’s why I was asking. She told me she did not have a choice. It was not safe for her to take courage or to change anything. It is then that I learned that the world was not safe for me. I had to please and perform even if it wasn’t making me happy. My striving was my strategy to become good enough, good enough to be loved, to be happy. I didn’t realise it at the time but I was denying all the other parts of me in choosing ‘the A student’. I got attached to the quality of performing to perfection.
£300 and a One-Way Ticket to the UK
At 19, I left for the UK. It took some courage. I borrowed £300 and bought a one-way ticket. This money was gone within a week on calls, printing my CV, and my rent for the 1st week. I couldn’t do it alone, so I found the courage to ask for help. My landlady knew people and when I told her my story, she rushed me to a hotel. After a 30-minute interview, I was hired. I made my way from job to job through to a great university and an international business degree. I landed my first graduate job before I graduated. While my friends were drinking, writing their dissertations, and applying for jobs, I was already working in a marketing management role.
An Even Greater Challenge
After 10 years as an ex-pat, I had it all – a great job earning an average UK salary, a fiancé, a house by the beach, and a baby. But life had another plan for me. My fiancé left when my son was 9 months old. I became a single mum. I am telling you – you don’t know who you are until you enter a stereotyped minority group. All I wanted was to prove to the world, and to myself, that I wasn’t be the typical single mum struggling to pay bills and raise her kid portrayed in the movies.
It was then that I had to choose what leader, what woman, what human, and what mother I would be. Attaching to the stereotype might have caused me to settle. Performing to perfection might have caused me to burn out. I didn’t choose either. I chose to change, myself, my story, and the story of my son’s childhood. I chose to act daily out of love and not out of fear. When I needed to get back to work and earn enough to send my son to high-quality daycare, I did that. When my son became sad and unhappy at the daycare – I left my job to be with him more. When I was tired, I rested. When I was rested, I was searching. It took me three years to search for my purpose, it turned out my passion was my purpose. It was there all along.
A Clear Purpose
My purpose is to shatter unhelpful boundaries; to create structures enabling the freedom to flourish – for myself, for my son, and for the world. This meant that I am never a victim, never a rescuer, never a hero. Instead, I move gently towards the unknown and away from what's unhelpful. I choose how I tell my story; I choose the courage to act with integrity aligned with all my values. I choose love. I choose to be human. I choose to hold the mirror to myself only. I am responsible for each daily action, correcting when it turns out to lead to where I didn’t expect. I fell in love with learning along the way.
Today, I am engaged, run my own consultancy business, and act as the Chief Marketing Officer of A Human Workplace. I am proud of all the parts of my story. Of course, as a woman that grew up in patriarchy, I know that on my way to 2 kids and a marriage, I am a good enough woman. But the point is that I made the choice to not be a victim of my circumstances. I accepted who I am and choose how I react to the experiences that happen to me. I kept choosing that route, the courage to change, finding a way to own my story and to move with it. Still, I struggle sometimes: To this day: I turn my camera off when I don’t think I look good enough. I go on a weekend fast when I think I weigh too much. But what I do know is that for my parents, for my son, for my partner – I am more than good enough.
The Courage to Choose
I see people stuck every single day – in relationships, in jobs, in circumstances. People acting as if they have no choice. While sometimes, it may feel like we have no choice, there is always some choice left: choosing courage, choosing to accept ourselves as we are, choosing to take control of the way we act when life gets challenging; the way we learn from the unexpected, and the way we choose to tell our story.
Life is all about the courage to change.
At the heart of change is us – we have the power to be the humans we want to be, each day.
