Led by Love to Lead with Love
As leaders committed to a truly human way of working, we aim to be purposeful, unwavering and bold in putting love into practice. We set out each day to create an environment that welcomes people to be themselves in all their uniqueness and diversity, that gets to know team members and their aspirations, that supports them to be courageous in learning, that trusts people to take on challenges and handle problems.
I’ve found that when I let love not fear lead me, then I lead with love, and I live up to those aspirations. I am wiser, clearer, calmer, and bolder. I consider what love would do, act on that insight, and things go better. Relationships are better. Conversations are better. Conflict is better. Creativity is better. Results are better.
But then there are those other times. You know those times. The times when we don’t lead with love. We let fear capture our attention, and we falter. A single misstep isn’t necessarily significant by itself. Yet leading is made up of dozens of small moments that matter each day. And these collect into a pattern that can either build or erode trust and that can make or break our leadership. So these moments of giving in to fear are consequential over time.
This is why when we pursue decreasing fear and increasing love in the workplace, we are not just focused on the fear of our team members. As leaders we must decrease our own fear and increase our own sense of love first if we are to create a more human way of working for others in our organization.
And that’s a challenge right now. Fear is ever-present and ready to take the mic of our minds at any moment. When I let fear’s voice dominate, my purpose loses focus. I struggle for energy. My steps are timid. My actions or words can get off point. My judgment is impaired, and progress slows.
Is this familiar to you? I’m guessing so, being human and all!
It happens easily, quietly, especially right now when we are more often alone. Fear creeps in and we waver. We ignore the instinct to act in love and instead default to a conditioned fear-based response.
What does that look like? For me last week it looked like this:
In a meeting, fear showed up as doubting my relationship-focused instincts and acquiescing to another approach to team development.
In a first conversation with a potential new host, fear showed up when I held back from fully expressing my enthusiasm. “Surely they will think I’m impulsive if I say ‘yes’ so quickly.” In retrospect such an immediate welcome would have been a shared joy and a lovely beginning.
These things keep me up at night. And while each situation can be corrected, leadership is the sum of these moments that matter. So it is imperative as a leader that I keep bringing love back to center to guide me.
Re-Centering the Voice of Love
There are many definitions of love and many words for love in various languages and traditions. My friend Moshe Engelberg defines love in his book, The Amare Wave, as “energy that uplifts and connects.” I love that. It’s elegantly simple and true.
I’ve come to see that this loving energy is created when we are in limbic connection with others, that is, when the limbic centers of our brains are attuned to each other. When this happens, we each experience a sense of neurophysiological steadiness and calm. Our stress deescalates, and we feel safer. We know we are not alone in the world. We surely need these benefits right now.
This limbic connection often happens when we are in physical proximity. But, thank goodness, attunement can also be experienced virtually. I’ve witnessed this countless times in the last four months in our Gatherings when strangers or home-bound team members connect profoundly in just one 90 minute session.
These limbic connections create emotions like safety, joy, peace, and happiness and bring physical impacts like relaxation, smiling, lower heart rate, and better sleep, for example. And in this loving state, we can take wise, thoughtful, creative, generous, kind, compassionate, trusting, inclusive, appreciative, sometimes self-sacrificing actions for the highest good of all. We uplift!
This is the leadership our teams and the world needs of us right now. Surely this is the leadership we aspire to bring!
This week, may you choose to mute fear and amplify love. May you enjoy the steadiness, clarity, calm, and joy of loving connection to yourself and others, so that you are led by love and then can lead with love.
