Authentic Allyship: Breaking Barriers to Champion Trans Lives
In my last blog, I shared the story of my transition and the crises the trans community faces in our current world. I shared the allyship doesn’t need to be over-complicated, but instead can look a lot like friendship, humanity, and love.
To continue this discussion about trans allyship, I want to further explore the role of allyship and how allies can think about their role in tackling these crises.
My Stories of Allies
"Allies in my life have saved my life."
Reflecting on my own experiences, I understand the vital importance of trans allies. Being a trans ally isn’t about performing grand acts, it’s about the conscious choice to affirm and validate trans identities. It’s about challenging transphobia, supporting trans rights, and promoting safe spaces. To create a better future for trans people, we need to educate ourselves, spread awareness, and stand firm against discrimination.
Allies have played an integral role in my own life, not because they did something out of the ordinary, but because they chose to be themselves. And chose to be my friend. This authenticity, their ability to connect on a deeper level, and their willingness to understand and support, sets them apart. Let’s talk about how you can move further into the space of allyship as well.
The Case for Allyship
The profound impact of allies cannot be overstated. Allies might not necessarily do anything exceptional; rather, they stand out due to their kindness and understanding. They bridge divides, offer companionship when others don't, and provide support when feelings of loneliness set in. Allyship isn’t just about agreeing theoretically with something but rather taking the sometimes awkward and uncomfortable steps to do simple acts of kindness when they don’t seem simple. It’s about really living into humanity.
The call for allyship isn’t just about support – it's about embracing a values-based model grounded in love, curiosity, courage, and connection. This model encourages understanding others' perspectives and emotions, thus fostering empathy. From this empathy, caring, and compassion naturally spring forth, particularly when the other person is suffering.
Fears that Allies Experience
Despite the willingness to show up and be supportive, allies often grapple with fears and hesitations, particularly about unintentionally offending or hurting the people they are trying to support. This is normal and a part of the process of becoming an ally. So, if you feel this way, it’s okay and very normal.
Many allies feel the vulnerability of stepping out of their comfort zones or risking saying the wrong thing. This can be intimidating but is essential for growth. It’s imperative that you don’t let this fear keep you from moving into action. The key lies in leaning into this discomfort, being willing to make mistakes, learn from them, and move forward.
The Head, Heart, and Hands of Allyship
“Allyship first starts as an inside job. Before anything else, we have to change. There are things we have to change about ourselves, and accept about ourselves and love about ourselves before we can become effective allies.”
Consider the experience of individuals who have never interacted with a trans person before. They may initially feel discomfort due to unfamiliarity and societal preconceptions, which can be disruptive to established mental models. This fear of the unknown, this vulnerability of stepping out of comfort zones, can be intimidating but is essential for growth.
Head: Get Interested and Curious
Curiosity is the spark that initiates the process of becoming an ally. Being genuinely interested in understanding the experiences and lives of those with different identities helps us move beyond our comfort zones and question closely-held beliefs. The central question here is, "What is life like for someone who is trans?"
Heart: Be Vulnerable and Courageous
Being a successful ally requires courage – not just to step out, but to be vulnerable. This vulnerability allows us to confront our fears, accept that we won’t know everything, and make peace with the likelihood of making mistakes. It prompts the question, "What do I need to learn about myself so that I can be a better ally?
Hands: Move to Action and Be Welcoming
Action is the practical manifestation of the insights gained from curiosity and vulnerability. Embodying allyship means moving into action, being welcoming, and offering warmth and acceptance. Sometimes this may look like a phone call, sometime it may look like grabbing a bite to eat. It requires engaging in dialogue, asking the question, "What actions do I need to take to embody allyship?
How Can Trans Allies Help?
Allyship isn’t complex – it starts with simple acts of humanity. It's about showing curiosity, displaying courage, getting close, creating connections, and demonstrating care. Being a good ally means actively educating yourself about the trans community, its history, and the challenges it faces. It involves understanding the difference between performative allyship and authentic allyship. Below are five practical ways you can get more involved as an authentic ally.
Curiosity
Knowledge is a powerful tool for an ally. Delve into the history of the trans community, understand the various terminologies, and become aware of the issues they face. Comprehend the differences between sex, gender identity, and sexual orientation. This insight equips you to dispel misinformation and stand as an informed ally.
Courage
Allyship begins within. Before you can effectively champion others, you must be willing to change, accept, and love aspects of yourself. Have the courage to confront your own biases and internalized transphobia. Undertake the difficult yet rewarding task of reshaping your worldview.
Close
Being close to trans individuals humanizes their experiences. When we immerse ourselves in the lives of those who are different from us, we are more likely to see each other as human and deserving of love. Closeness dissipates fear and misunderstanding, transforming the 'foreign' into the familiar. Make an effort to befriend a trans person.
Connection
Offer genuine connections to those in the trans communities. Reach out to them, ask about their well-being, or invite them for a casual coffee or a chat. Establish sincere friendships. Be a safe sounding board for them, offering them space to express their complex feelings without the fear of judgment.
Caring
Show genuine care for the community. Trans people are the best narrators of their own experiences. Create spaces for their voices in discussions about trans issues. Promote content from trans activists, authors, and influencers to counteract the erasure of trans experiences and enhance the visibility of the trans community. One simple act of caring can be using a trans person's preferred pronouns and name. This act of respect validates their identity and signals your acceptance. If unsure about someone's pronouns, politely ask or use they/them pronouns until clarified.
Step Into Your Role as an Ally
In conclusion, remember that allyship is more than a concept, it's an active and dynamic practice that evolves with each interaction. It's an inside job that begins with self-transformation, a journey into unfamiliar territories of perspectives and experiences. It thrives on curiosity, vulnerability, courage, and meaningful action.
Being an ally means nurturing an intimate understanding of the trans community, learning about the history and issues, and acknowledging the validity of our identities. It demands the courage to confront your biases, the determination to educate yourself and others, and the resolve to create safe, inclusive spaces.
Embrace your role as a friend, advocate, and ally. As you do, your actions, no matter how simple they may seem, can foster a world that's more understanding, more accepting, more loving, and significantly more enriched by the vibrant tapestry of human experiences. Remember, each step you take in this direction brings us all closer to a world where everyone can thrive as their authentic selves.
