A Personal Reflection: Lighting Candles, Leading Children, and Planning for Love

Lighting Candles

I light A LOT of candles this time of year. It is a decision to defy the gloom and weight of darkness and instead use it as a canvas for something beautiful.

My winter ritual of excessive candle lighting comes from having spent my life in the northern part of the northern hemisphere, in the Pacific Northwest of the continental US, and in Alaska, where the nights are long this time of year. While some folks understandably struggle with the lack of daylight, my conditioning since birth is to welcome the dark creating a magical space indoors with loved ones visiting, cooking, playing games, and dancing in the kitchen. And in solitude, carving out time for quiet reflection.

I relish this sense of being in rhythm with the earth’s rocking back and forth, away from and toward the sun. Life is not unchanging and flat like the waters of a still lake but dynamic like the tidal waters of the Puget Sound.

Today, December 21 in Tacoma we have just 8 hours 28 minutes 29 seconds of daylight. We are tilted as far away from the sun as we’ll get, and tomorrow of course, we begin the journey to tip back again. Today is 7 hours and 28 minutes shorter than the daylight will be on the June Solstice, and today my reveling in the cozy, candlelit dark is complemented by the anticipation of that long June day on its way to us.

Leading Children

The shift in daylight was even more severe when I lived in Alaska, a mom of 3 small children under age 6. In those days, if I were going to successfully leave the house to get us all some fresh air and outdoor play during that small window of daylight, it took some serious “team motivation skills.” This meant synchronizing getting everyone fed, pottied or diapered, and dressed in reasonably appropriate clothes and then, all at the same time, into snowsuits, boots, hats, and mittens, including me! Then out the door we’d finally go into the soft daylight to make snow forts and tunnels, or a family of snow angels, or sled with the neighbors down the hill in front of our home overlooking Kachemak Bay.

If one “team member” was having a bad day, this threatened to bring the whole operation to a halt. It took serious diversion, distraction, persuasion, and organization skills to work through these moments of challenge and get us out the door.

But honestly, the most important skills I developed in those days were learning to be flexible, to release myself and my kids from perfectionism, and to go with the flow.  I think of the young moms in my life – Faith, Lili, Christie, Desirée, Joanne, Jennifer, and others. I send love to them and to all who are shaping the lives and experiences of children. May you have the energy and organization to “get your team into their snowsuits and out the door.” AND may you have the wisdom to know when to give up, laugh, and play a game inside in your jammies instead.

Planning for Love

Today we ARE heading toward more daylight – at least in the northern hemisphere! And those children in our lives need us to not give up. They need us to not give up on democracy. They need us to not give up on creating peace and safety for all children everywhere. They need us to not give up on stopping the climate crisis. They need us to not give up on creating more loving workplaces for them to work in. They need us to not give up.

Creating a more loving world, that is, a safe, compassionate, and sustainable world, means each of us deciding to do all we can to put love at the center of our lives, our work, our communities, and our planet.

In this dark and quiet time, in this moment of turning toward more light, what will you do to put love at the center of your work and your world?

Here’s a simple exercise I teach to help you get clear on what to do - and not do – to create more love in your world.

Instructions

Divide a document into four sections, two by two style. Answer these four questions, one in each box:

1.     List the challenges and opportunities you have in your work and life.  

2.     Who is impacted by and involved with these challenges?

3.     What could you do that would create fear for those people – that is how might you create anxiety, disrespect, marginalization, mistrust, uncertainty, despair, exclusion, and worry?

4.     What can you do to create an experience of love for those people – that is what will help them to feel more respect, trust, compassion, kindness, challenge, belonging, hope, appreciation, and courage?

Now, go do the things on the list that create love and avoid doing the things on the list that create fear. This is your plan for love for 2024.

Happy Holidays! Peaceful Solstice! And here’s to a loving New Year