In a culture that prizes looking good, it's easy to believe we have to be the perfect example of wisdom and care. But the truth is, Loving Leaders are people and people have gaps. We are quirky, messy, and sometimes even obsessed!

It's a challenging place to be: Fluent in the old system with all its tendencies toward threatening control and using people up but no longer believing in this way of leading or working.  You know how to play that game, but you realized awhile back that you don't want to play it anymore…

Gary Keogh had a once in a lifetime opportunity as Global Brand Director for Balvenie, a renowned whisky, to lead the launch of 60-year-old Balvenie. So how does an experienced brand expert like Gary, hired by the parent company to lead, approach this challenge?

Last week I shared the profound impact my husband Jim’s Loving Leadership is having on my son and daughter-in-law, who moved in with us last month with their three children. But Jim isn’t the only one leading with love. Zach and Desirée are also stepping into Loving Leadership—starting with themselves.

My son and his family moved in with us just a month ago.

When word got out, concerned calls poured in from other family members. With our modest-sized home, they wondered: where would everyone fit? How would we manage the hubbub while working from home? And since Jim and I have only been married two years, how did he feel about suddenly gaining a full household?

“I want to speak up. But I struggle with explaining my human values, especially right now when there's so much harsh power moving in the world. I know what I believe but sometimes I don't know what to say."  Can you relate to this struggle?

“How can I lead in loving work when I feel myself armed and ready for battle?” That is, ready for the struggle against injustice and oppression.  Do you feel the tension of that question in your mind, heart, and body? 

Question: Where and when do you lead with love?

Answer: Everywhere and all the time.

Here are three stories demonstrating this.

If you’ve ever finished a week so tired you forgot why you started, you’re not alone. Leading is challenging in the best of times; that’s true for almost everyone. Leading is rarely a simple, easy gig.

Every meeting, every interaction, is a chance to quietly shape the culture with love—if you plan for it. A core practice of Loving Leadership is to intentionally plan for the loving actions, words, and mindsets needed for any given situation. Afterall, emotional intelligence is needed to wisely meet people with care and act in service of the highest good. This is no small thing.

I hosted the Loving Leaders Circle this morning, and we talked about the essentials of Loving Leadership in practice. A participant, Mary, recalled advice given to her years ago by a woman, who told her to remember and practice these four words…

“I believe that 'less fear and more love' is the best way to work. But I fumble trying to explain what I mean and people end up confused or skeptical.” Back in 2015, this is exactly where I was.

In studies, strangers return dropped wallets MORE than people expect. But here’s the clincher, according to Gallup, “our wellbeing depends on our perceptions of others’ benevolence, as well as their actual benevolence.”

Contrary to the plethora of fear-focused news stories, everywhere we go there are people ready to be kind. Plenty of people need that kindness in communities, neighborhood groups, schools, coffee shops, parks, the gym. And of course, at work too. 

Something jumps out in my loving workplace interviews when people describe their loving team experiences.

Food.

It turns out that loving teams eat a lot of food together! You might wonder, “Are they trusting and happy because they eat together? Or do they eat together because they are trusting and happy?”

“I'm not a therapist!” This is a response that we sometimes hear from managers who are new to idea of human-centered, Loving Leadership. Have you heard this before? Or maybe thought this yourself? 

Written on my white board is this reminder: Invest in and challenge yourself! This is one of the six core behaviors that are part of the “Love Yourself” pillar in my Loving Leaders Framework…

Meeting Tara (at long last!) was a full circle moment for me. Many of you know that my work advocating for Love began at the Department of Enterprise Services in Washington State, prompted by then Director Chris Liu's declaration to me that, “It is a leader's job to eliminate fear from the workplace.”  So imagine my joy when in 2021, I learned that DES had a new director, Tara Smith, who was advocating for Love as the agency's core value!

Today I offer this simple encouragement. A reminder. A pact. Feel my hand squeeze yours with this note. Many things are being said about empathy right now. Foolish words. Harmful words. Dangerous words. Cautionary words in response. I won't repeat them here. You don't need to see them again.