Can a Leader Say “I Don't Know”?
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———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-Are you committed to leading with love but still feel like you're falling short? Well, you're in good company! I feel this all the time! And every leader I've ever spoken to who was being honest does too.
In a culture that prizes looking good, it's easy to believe we have to be the perfect example of wisdom and care. But the truth is, Loving Leaders are people and people have gaps. We are quirky, messy, and sometimes even obsessed! We have preferences that may not align with what's needed in the moment. We may be missing skills or information.
Here are a few examples; but really the list could be endless!
Do you ever assume you're being clear, only to learn that your communication is experienced as vague or confusing?
Do you think you are containing your stress, only to realize that it's spilling out on your team?
Do you find yourself trying to be consistent, only to discover that one-size-fits-all isn't adaptive enought to specific needs and challenges?
You may secretly sense that your leadership choices are misaligned, but find yourself managing impressions anyway. That is exhausting and lonely, isn't it?
As I round the corner and head toward my 60th birthday in July, with more than four decades of leadership in one capacity or another, it is … delightful! Yes that's the word! And it's freeing to be able to honestly admit my gaps and shortcomings.
I can say to my collaborators like Simon, or Veronica, or Soumya, “I don't know about this. I'm lost. I'm uncomfortable. I'm glad you have experience. What do you think? What does your expertise tell you?” Hooray for team members who complement us!
And I can say to myself, “I need help! I've gone as far as I can alone. I need someone with deeper skills to travel with me for awhile.” Freely admitting this led me to Conni, my book-writing coach, and to Craig, my speaking coach, and to Shannon and Amy, my strategy coaches! Hooray for coaches who guide us and show us new options.
It is a HUGE relief to not need to know it all. And it's fun to be learning and enjoying the beautiful gifts of a team.
I'm reminded of a recent conversation with Chris Hirst, CEO of Bespak, on the Love Lead Change Podcast, offers a great example of this.
Chris candidly admitted to being self-critical, focused on fixing problems with lots of attention to the “reds on the dashboard.” He described being inclined to move on quickly to the next thing once a project is done or a problem is solved. Celebrating progress or milestones doesn't come naturally to him.
But Chris knows this is an important part of being a Loving Leader. So what did he do? First, he told his team that he knows celebrating is important, but he admitted that he isn't good at remembering to actually do this. He asked them for support in highlighting wins. To be clear, this isn't about Chris making excuses or pawning off responsibility. But it is about communicating values and rallying the team's strengths to be whole together. That too is Loving Leadership.
Have a listen to Chris's insights on the latest episode of the Love Lead Change Podcast.
And here are some questions to reflect on:
What gaps in your Loving Leadership are you aware of?
What would it take to admit these to your team and seek their support?
Are there perhaps gaps might you not be aware of? :)
How can you learn more about these as a Loving Leader?
And, if you are ready to partner with a coach to support your Loving Leadership practice, reach out to me (renee@makeworkmorehuman.com)! I help real leaders who want to make a difference to live their loving, human values through all the tough and complicated challenges they face. Going together is so much better than going alone!
